I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
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I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
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I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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