oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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