plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
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We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
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Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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