How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
you made out with another girl for some wings
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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