I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
