I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
