I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
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