just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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