I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
