You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
