Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
