i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
My vagina just recognized that song.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
