No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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