I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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