you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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