Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
