I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
