Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
