She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
We talked him into tasing himself.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
