I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
