end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
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My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
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I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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