you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
