I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
