hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize