I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Someone shit on the floor
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
