So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
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I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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