they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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