you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
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She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
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The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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