Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
