I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
