I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
