Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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