I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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