I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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