Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
