Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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