Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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