I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
