Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
