well I can't set my house on fire every night
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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