For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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