There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
