At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
