I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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