if i died would you start the facebook group?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
