Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
