so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
