okay pat passed out under dana's car
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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