Rock
Scissors
Fuck
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
