Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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