You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
