she smelled like a LAN party
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
