hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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