I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
