how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
