I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
