he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
