I wish I only lived at night.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
