hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
