Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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