Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
