I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
