Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
What a dumb baby whore.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
