I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
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