I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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