he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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