More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
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