You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
