I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
