He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
