You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
