Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
