Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
