Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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