I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
