I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
