dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
