If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
