i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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