It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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