She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
