I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
is it fun? or sober?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
