I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
